The husband


Men are to love their wives even as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it. (Ephesians 5:25) Christ's love for the Church is also described in Romans 5:8 and 8:35-39. This kind of love is unmerited, given to the undeserving. It sacrifices everything - even life itself.

The writers in the "New Testament" part of the Bible use a special Greek word for this type of love: AGAPE. For further details on this, see LOVE IN MARRIAGE

Who is in charge?

The husband is the "head" of the wife as Christ is the "head" of the Church, described in the New Testament as His body. Jesus is also described as its "Saviour": the one who provides all that is needed in the Church: love, finances, comfort and companionship. In the same way, the husband should provide for the wife. The husband is described as the one with the garment which speaks of protection. (Deuteronomy 22:30; Ruth 3:9; Ezekiel 16:8)

Christ so loved the Church that He wanted to sanctify and cleanse her by the word of God. (Ephesians 5:26,27) In loving his wife, a husband will seek to protect her from all defilement, striving not to anger her or argue with her. Rather, he should speak words that encourage her and build her up. Husbands: see Proverbs 31:10-31 if you need some inspiration for how to speak to your wife! Marriage breakdowns happen when communication stops. Keep all channels of communication open at all times, talking out each problem.

Acknowledge and appreciate the worth of your wife (and children). Always express your confidence in your wife (and children).

A husband's "agape-love" for his wife.

  • The nature of "agape-love" is that it is pro-active love, based on the nature of the giver and not on the receiver. Wives are told to love their husbands with "phileo-love", a responsive love based on something done. (Titus 2:4)
  • A husband's body has needs which he meets. Similarly, he should meet his wife's needs as well. In doing so, the husband's emotions toward her change. (Ephesians 5:28-30)
  • "Nourishing" in verse 29 (King James Version) means to nurture and bring to maturity. "Cherishing" (King James Version) literally means to soften or warm with body heat, as a bird sitting on a nest, showing how the husband provides warmth and security for his wife.
  • A husband who does not meet his wife's emotional, spiritual, and physical needs ultimately destroys himself, since they are members of one another, even as those in the Church are members of Christ. (Ephesians 5:30)
  • This kind of love is a strong bond. (Ephesians 5:31, Genesis 2:24)
  • The motivation of love is that marriage should be an affirmation (rather than a denial) of His Church. (Ephesians 5:32,33)
  • Husbands must try to be sensitive, understanding and considerate. (1 Peter 3:7) Feel what she feels. Then share together and enjoy the partnership.
  • The New Testament says that human history will not last for ever. In the last days of human existence on earth, perilous times will come with selfishness (2 Timothy 3:2), rebellion by children (2 Timothy 3:2), a lack of normal, family love (2 Timothy 3:3) and attacks on the home (2 Timothy 3:6). We must be prepared for such times.

Husbands: you can have a great marriage if you hold to God's pattern.