The wife



Paul tells wives: "submit to your husbands". (Ephesians 5:22) He does not use the word "obey" - by contrast with children and servants where the word "obey" is used. (Ephesians 6:1,5) Wives are not inferior to husbands, nor are they slaves. The difference between wives and husbands is in their roles and responsibilities. God created men and women with unique and complementary characteristics. One sex is not better than the other. 1 Corinthians 11:3-16 is all about husband-wife relations. Paul bases his argument on the God-given order. God calls for submission among equals. He has made a way for husband and wife to work together. Although equal to her husband under God, the wife should submit to him, in the best interests of their marriage and family. Submission between equals is submission by choice, not by force.

The manner of wives' submission is "as to the Lord". (Ephesians 5:22)

The motive for submission is that "the husband is the head of the wife". (Eph 5:23)

The model of submission is "as the church is subject to Christ". (Eph 5:23-24)

Wives should submit "in everything" - unless of course the husband tells her to do something that would mean disobeying God. (Acts 5:29; Genesis 21:10-21; 1 Samuel 25:32,33)

The Virtuous Wife (Proverbs 31)

Notice the following:

  • Her value; (Proverbs 31:10)
  • Her trustworthiness; (Proverbs 31:11)
  • Her supportiveness; (Proverbs 31:12)
  • Her productiveness; (Proverbs 31:13-14)
  • Her sacrifice; (Proverbs 31:15)
  • Her enterprise; (Proverbs 31:16-18)
  • Her priorities; (Proverbs 31:19-24)
  • Her reward. (Proverbs 31:27-28)

To be the kind of wife to your husband that you desire to be; to be really special to him; to make him proud of you; you must be prepared to put work and effort into improving yourself. To have the kind of marriage in line with God's word, which will be the perfect marriage for you, you will have to put work, effort and time into building it. Your marriage is unique to you, do not fall into the trap of comparrison, feeling your partner is not as caring or loving as a friends..

Genesis 1:26 - "Then God said, 'Let us make a man - someone like ourselves, to be the master of all life upon the earth and in the skies and in the seas.'"

Our Father had an image or a picture of how your family should be. Then He put time, effort, thought and work into making it come to pass. Begin to form an image or a picture of how you see yourself in your home, as a wife or mother. Begin to see how your home should be operating, how to improve your home and family life. Let the word of God be your master plan. Begin to write down your new plans - the things you would like to see changed - keeping the vision before you. When your husband is in his rightful place in the home, he will be as a king and a priest in his own home. That will make you his queen.

Be a Queen

Are you a queen in your own home? You have God-given responsibilities. You are to care for your home, see that your family eats properly, that they are clothed sufficiently for all seasons (Proverbs 31). If you neglect this responsibility, you cannot walk in the fullness of marriage as God sees it. It is a smart woman that makes her husband the "king" of her castle. You may not enjoy home-making, but learn to adapt and to cultivate the talents that you have. Remember that you, as a queen, carry equal responsibility with your king.

Be the wife you want to be

The Holy Spirit can make you the kind of wife you want to be.

Psalm 37:4 - "Be delighted with the Lord. Then he will give you your heart's desires."
Mark 11:24 - "Listen to me! You can pray for anything, and if you believe, you have it. It's yours!"

Take your rightful, God-given place in your own home.

Genesis 2:18 - "And the Lord God said 'It isn't good (sufficient, satisfactory) for man to be alone, I will make a companion for him a helper suited to his needs. (suitable, adapted, completing) for him.'" (Amplified Bible)
Ephesians 5:22 - "You wives must submit to your husbands' leadership in the same way that you submit to the Lord."

Adapt to your husband

Genesis 3:20 - "The man named his wife 'Eve', meaning 'The life giving one' for he said, 'She shall become the mother of all mankind.'"

We are also "life-giving". We bring forth life in all areas, especially in our homes, by our actions and by the words that come from our mouth. Pray for your husband as he goes out to work; intercede for him. It is your responsibility to protect him by prayer and by speaking words of life over him.

Be a haven

When your husband comes home, it should be to a haven: a place to rest and to unwind after a hard day's work; a place of love and warmth. You are an extension of your husband. You were designed to complete him. Don't separate yourself from him. Too many woman want to be independent and do their own thing. You need to work everything else around your husband. He is to be first in your life.

Be forgiving

Mark 11:25 - "But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive you your sins too."
Matthew 6:14 - "Your heavenly Father will forgive you if you forgive those who sin against you; but if you refuse to forgive them, He will not forgive you."

Meditate on the above scriptures and you won't have a problem in walking in forgiveness. True biblical forgiveness involves setting aside what people have done. (Jeremiah 31:31-34) There is no memory of former things. The Bible teaches us that the Father forgives and forgets when we do wrong. So must we. When Satan tries to bring them back to your remembrance, you can "cast down these vain imaginations". 2 Corinthians 10:5

Be gentle

Continue to be gentle in the way that God created you to be. Don't lose this gentleness.

Proverbs 12:4 - "A worthy wife is a crown for her husband, but the other kind corrodes his strength and tears down everything he does."
Proverbs 16:32 - "It is better to be slow-tempered than famous; it is better to have self-control than to control an army."
Proverbs 17:1 - "A dry crust eaten in peace is better than steak every day along with argument and strife."
Proverbs 27:15 - "A constant dripping on a rainy day and a cranky woman are much alike!"

Don't lose your gentleness - it is one of the best, God-given virtues. A gentle spirit can move mountains but a haughty spirit will build them up.

Be beautiful

When God created a woman He created a beautiful person - and God created everything good. Outward beauty shines from an inner peace and beauty. If, through years of frustration and problems, you have lost the gentleness, be honest and admit it. Face up to it, then deal with it. Make a decision to start being that gentle person again. Don't permit circumstances to alter the peace of God in your heart. Keep on smiling, keep loving, invest your time in your husband. Keep "casting your bread upon the water and it will return to you." Ecclesiastes 11:1 (King James Version)